Control, like most facets of human behavior, is probably best experienced in moderation.
At one end of the spectrum, control is a positive, adaptive tool. For example, control over prolonged and constant chaos in our lives is usually a good thing. At the other end, control can be seen as negative. People who are over-controlled to the point of being unable to feel or express emotion can find life’s expected turmoils to be difficult or even impossible to handle.
Here are some signs of being controlled in a relationship:
- Feeling drained of energy if you need to spend much time in the presence of the controller.
- Needing to find time alone or out of the house.
- Fantasizing frequently about some future time when you are free, independent, and able to do your own thing.
- Always being concerned about pleasing the other person.
- Spending money on the other person that you would never think about spending on yourself.
- Feeling that you can never truly be yourself in the presence of the other person.
- Cautiously guarding against having the other person angry at you, and feeling that anger could erupt at any time without notice.
- Being interrupted while speaking.
- Having your feelings defined for you by the other person.
- Having to give your full attention to the other person.
- Feeling that you are often criticized for things that you are proud of.
- Being cautious about having outside friends for fear that jealousy might erupt.
Individual counseling or relationship therapy can be extremely beneficial to people who are in controlling relationships. Schedule a free consultation to find out of therapy can benefit you and your loved one.